


With this ring...

by Signe_chan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 03:30:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3752839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signe_chan/pseuds/Signe_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which there is a proposal. Then a conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With this ring...

“Just so you know,” Clint said, fiddling with the ring box. “This is the part where you’re meant to say ‘yes’ then we go to the bedroom for some ‘we totally just got engaged’ sex.” 

Phil wasn’t entirely sure if the thumping in his chest was joy or horror. On the one hand, he loved Clint. So much. Some days he loved him more than breathing. He loved him in the entirely overly dramatic way that he’d never thought he’d get to experience, the way that made him want to make grand declarations like ‘I can’t live without you’. He also loved him in the quiet everyday way. He loved him when he left the cap of the toothpaste, though he did it every morning. He loved him when he was grumpy because work had been stressful that day and he really just wanted to cuddle but didn’t want to admit it. 

He loved Clint Barton. 

“I’m sorry,” Phil said, reaching over and wrapping his hand around Clint’s. “It’s not you. I love you, this is great,” he said quickly, hoping to get his say in before the devastation completely took over. “I just don’t want to get married. If I ever did I’d marry you but...” 

“By what?” Clint asked. He yanked his hands out of Phil’s. He stood and shoved the ring box back into the pocket he’d got it out of and thank god they were doing this in their apartment and not in public somewhere. 

“If I’d known you were thinking about this we’d have had this talk a long time ago,” Phil said. He let his arm fall to the side, an invitation for Clint to come to him, but Clint didn’t take it. 

“We’ve been together for two years and you didn’t know I might be, you know, thinking about making it permanent?” 

“I just thought...I don’t know,” Phil said with a sigh. “It’s not something I think about a lot, honestly, Clint. Marriage. I mean, it’s not something I want so why would I?” 

“But why don’t you want it? Are you planning on leaving me.” 

“No,” Phil said, and the tightening in his chest then was definitely fear. He stood and moved quickly to Clint’s side. There was no resistance when he pulled Clint into his arms and held on tightly. “No, never. I’m never going to leave you. I just...I don’t like marriage is all. What’s wrong with the way things are?” 

“Nothing,” Clint grumbled, leaning into Phil. “I just, it’s gonna sound kind of needy but I like the permanence of marriage. I like that it means we’re in this together, you know. Me and you against the world. It’s like a promise between us, right.” 

“See, that’s exactly what I don’t like about it,” Phil said with a sigh. “Not...it just always seems too premature. I mean, say we get married tomorrow, and the next month you find out something about me you can’t stand. You know I still have secrets.” 

“So do I,” Clint said. “I’d still love you.” 

“That might not always be true, though. What if I do something so terrible you want to leave me? You know our line of work, Clint. We both make life-of-death decisions far too often. Moral judgements and close calls. What if one day I come down on one side of a line and you’re on the other and you can’t live with me anymore.” 

“Then we talk it out.” 

“And that might not be enough. Not to mention the practical stuff. It’s more paper trail, which neither of us need. Which identities would we even be married under? How do you organise a wedding when everyone you know is a spy? Then there’s the cost and the time to plan everything which neither of us have.” 

“It wouldn’t have to be anything big,” Clint said, his shoulders were sagging and Phil just wanted to pull him in tighter. Wanted to somehow go back and set this conversation on a different path before it even started. “I just...I want something permanent. Shit Phil, everyone I’ve ever had has left me. Maybe I want to know that there’s just one person who intends to stick around for the long run.” 

“Hey, I’m sticking around,” Phil insisted. “I just...I don’t see why it makes any difference if I sign a piece of paper telling you I love you.” 

“I don’t know why you’re so afraid of signing that paper if you’re going to stick around,” Clint said, shoving Phil away from him and walking away. His shoulders were tight, eyes fixed on the ground and Phil wished he knew how to fix this. “You keep saying you’re sticking around but then you’re talking about what happens if I do something you hate. I’m going to do something you hate one day, you know.” 

“Clint...” 

“No, I am, because I always do. I’m a mess and a fuck-up. Sooner or later I’m going to do something that makes you question why you’re even with me and then you’re just going to run away and they’ll be no reason to come back so you never will and I don’t...” 

“Hey,” Phil said, reaching out to grab Clint’s arm. “Hey, no. That isn’t what this is about. I love you. I WANT to be here. I’m not just going to run away when you mess up. Like I know you won’t just run away when I mess up.” 

“You don’t mess up.” 

“I think I do. Have you even heard the conversation we’re having? This is me messing up.” That startled a laugh out of Clint, but he still couldn’t look up to meet Phil’s eyes. “This really means this much to you.” 

“Having someone who cares enough about me to legally promise to stick around forever? Yeah, kind of.” 

Phil knew at this point he should step back. They should retreat and think and come back together later and talk. It would be the rational thing but he was also pretty sure that trying to be rational at Clint right now would just end up with more hurt. This wasn’t a rational situation, this was all about emotion. 

“Okay,” he said, letting himself relax. “Okay, we’ll do this.” 

“Phil...” 

“I love you and it matters more to you that we do get married than it does to me that we don’t, I guess. But a small ceremony.” 

“The smallest,” Clint promised. He sounded almost breathless and Phil looked up to find that Clint was meeting his eyes again. “You mean it. I’m not trying to pressure you. I just...” 

“It just really matters to you,” Phil finished, reaching over to cup Clint’s face. “It’s not something I’ve ever wanted but, you’re right, I do want to stay with you forever and if it’ll make you believe me when I say I’m not going anywhere it’s worth the hassle. 

“It’s not that I don’t believe you...” 

“I know,” Phil promised, leaning in to rest their foreheads together. Clint was much less tense now, it was good. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just making a mess of this.” 

“No, it’s alright,” Clint said, leaning in for a quick kiss. “But you really do want to marry me. Or you’re going to marry me, anyway.” 

“I really am. If you still want me.” 

“I’m always going to want you,” Clint said, finally relaxing all the way. “Will you take the damn ring now? It was kind of expensive and I got it in the sale so I can’t take it back.” 

“Well, when you put it so romantically, how can I say no?”


End file.
